We are always remembering.
Not in the way we recall facts or phone numbers, but in the way our bodies quietly long for the felt sense of safety, connection, and home. The nervous system remembers before the mind can understand. And when we begin to listen to that deep memory, healing becomes less about fixing something broken and more about reclaiming something already within us.
That’s why I believe this:
Remembering who you are is easier when you’re Polyvagal informed.
What Does “Polyvagal Informed” Mean?
To be Polyvagal informed is to understand that your nervous system isn’t malfunctioning—it’s protecting you.
It listens to the world through neuroception—a subconscious process that detects cues of safety or danger—and responds not with thought, but with biology.
Being Polyvagal informed means recognizing that we don’t live in a single nervous system state all day long. We move through a hierarchy of states—what Dr. Stephen Porges calls the autonomic ladder:
- At the top is ventral vagal: a state of safety, connection, openness, and presence.
- In the middle is sympathetic: mobilization, fight-or-flight energy, anxiety, urgency.
- At the bottom is dorsal vagal: immobilization, collapse, withdrawal, numbness.
We move up and down this ladder every day—sometimes gradually, sometimes in seconds.
Where Most of Us Live: The Blended States
But it’s not just three separate rungs. Between each major state, there are blended states—transitional and complex combinations that reflect the subtle reality of lived experience:
- Ventral + Sympathetic: You feel energized and engaged—like speaking in public, feeling a flutter of nerves, but also excitement and flow.
- Ventral + Dorsal: You feel grounded and quiet, at peace—like restful solitude that restores instead of isolates.
- Sympathetic + Dorsal: You feel agitated but frozen, stuck between the urge to act and the sense that you can’t—a place many people experience as burnout or panic with fatigue.
These blended states matter. They are where resilience is built—where we stretch our capacity without overwhelm, where we gently learn how to stay with ourselves even when discomfort arises.
Understanding these nuances softens our self-judgment. We stop asking “What’s wrong with me?” and start asking, “Where am I on the ladder? And what’s the next step toward safety?”
Why Remembering Matters
Trauma isn’t just what happened to you.
It’s what happened inside you as a result.
It’s stored not only in memory, but in the rhythms of breath, heart rate, digestion, and tone of voice.
But even so, you are not your trauma.
When you begin to work with your nervous system—naming your state, finding anchors, seeking co-regulation—you begin to remember who you were before the overwhelm, and who you still are beneath it.
You remember:
- Your curiosity
- Your humor and voice
- Your breath and body
- The sense that life wasn’t just something to endure, but something to belong to
The Practice of Remembering
For educators, lawyers, parents—or anyone holding space in a fast-moving world—the path home begins not in the mind, but in the body.
And the body responds best to:
- Safety (even just “safe enough”)
- Rhythm (walking, rocking, music, breath)
- Compassion (especially for the protective parts)
- Co-regulation (because we were never meant to do this alone)
When you learn to track your state, when you greet your nervous system with kindness instead of criticism, you’re not just learning how to cope.
You’re learning how to remember yourself.
That’s the quiet power of becoming Polyvagal informed.
It’s not about fixing.
It’s about befriending.
It’s about presence.
And the slow, sacred work of remembering.
You don’t have to do it all at once.
You just have to feel safe enough to begin.